The Many Shades of Anger & Why Anger Management Doesn’t Help

Of all our emotions, anger is perhaps the feeling we most tend to mess up.

That’s understandable — on the surface at least — because most people associate anger with manipulation and violence: whether verbal, physical, sexual or spiritual. (slide wording: road rage and school shootings, blow-ups and pouting, blaming others and shaming ourselves, and being hurtful in a virtually endless number of other ways)

But what if I told you that anger is actually designed to be one of your most amazing allies? And that there is a secret to turning your anger — and others people’s — into YOUR ally? In other words, what if there actually is a way to develop a relationship with anger that lets you use it in service of love instead of destruction?

I know a lot about destructive relationships with anger. Personally, not merely as a psychologist. As a child, I regularly witnessed — and was on the receiving end of — my Dad’s explosive rages. That was incredibly painful and shaming, believe me. And I just as frequently listened to my Mom slam kitchen cabinet doors, get snippy, and become depressed and distant when she was angry. That was equally unpleasant. Those were the only forms of anger I knew as a child and a teen. So, it shouldn’t be any wonder that by the time I was sixteen, I was literally saying to people, “I don’t do anger!”

Of course, denying my anger only drove it underground. And that forced it to leak out indirectly. In ways that always felt out of my control. The forms my anger most commonly took included:

  • Shaming myself (inner anger beat-ups)
  • Being hypercritical of others (harshly judging people and then self-righteously justifying why I did that)
  • Pouting
  • Not letting most people get close enough to me to feel at risk of getting angry at them — and then if I got angry anyway, being terrified that they’d reject me

None of this changed when I became a psychologist. None of the highly valuable books, personal development workshops, or psychotherapy, I greatly benefitted from in other ways touched my dysfunctional relationship with anger. In fact, it wasn’t until 20 years ago, when I was in my 40s, that I finally started moving into right relationship with anger… despite having by then become a highly regarded psychologist.

What changed? I finally found a way of COMPLETING my unresolved anger. One that actually worked for me. I watched it clearly work for virtually everyone else I saw it used with. And I similarly saw literally multiple hundreds of people who I’ve mentored and facilitated in these methods successfully use them to create deeply valuable and durable benefits for themselves.

It was called Focused Expressive Psychotherapy (FEP). To this day FEP remains one of the most well-researched — and effective — approaches to resolving (not “managing”) anger that’s ever been devised.

I went on to become one of the only psychologists in the world to be fully certified to train other therapists in the FEP anger completion method. I have facilitated well over 1000+ “Anger Completion Workouts” and have trained therapists in these methods in North America and Europe. Today I may be the only remaining psychologist who was fully certified to train both the public and therapists in these methods.

Why haven’t your heard of this method? Simple. The brilliant University of Arizona clinicians and researchers who over a 20+ year period developed and verified the effectiveness of FEP were academicians not entrepreneurs. They didn’t know how to bring their stunning breakthrough to the world.

I’m now the “last man standing” and I’m not good with that. Not by a long shot. I can’t sit silent anymore and watch an absolutely brilliant anger literacy framework finish fading into oblivion. I can’t allow what’s arguably the most useful method for dealing with anger that’s ever been devised to disappear instead of become the most used method for dealing with anger. My mission is now your gain.

From all these experiences I’ve not only developed a vastly different — and far more effective — relationship with my own anger — I’ve discovered a way to help you teach yourself to deal with your anger — and other people’s — far more effectively and usefully than you might have ever thought possible!

Here are the four biggest things I now know about anger as a result of my dysfunctional anger upbringing, my failure to develop anger literacy as a young man, and the startlingly valuable successes I’ve had since then:

  1. “Anger as usual” means venting, managing or repressing. And none of these tactics work. Not pretending you’re not angry. Not venting anger. Not even anger management. Not fully. (slide wording: vent, manage, repress, with red circled slashes through each)
  2. Anger comes in four distinctly different yet rarely recognized varieties: boundaries, escalation, flooding and recycling. Most people — even experts — don’t know how to differentiate among these four varieties of anger. (slide listing these)
  3. Each of these four anger varieties requires different responses. But because most people lump them all together, their ability to effectively deal with anger goes down the tubes. In other words, most people deal with these varieties of anger in ways that rarely work.

You are about to discover far better ways of dealing with anger than venting, managing, or repressing. You are about to discover how to effectively deal with boundaries, escalation, flooding and recycling anger in the ways each one uniquely requires. You are about to tap into a wellspring of wisdom and tools for dealing with anger that aren’t even known by the vast majority of my fellow psychologists and other helping professionals… let alone everyday folks who value their personal development enough to invest in it.

as-seen-in-forbes-logoJust how valuable is my system? Valuable enough to have been Featured in Forbes.

You now have an exclusive opportunity to access this highly valuable never-before-seen (by most) system for vastly upgrading your relationship with anger. (slide includes summaries of all of the following)

  • One that I’ve seen people use to improve their love and work relationships.
  • One that I’ve seen parents and educators use to help children.
  • One that I’ve seen customer service professionals use to deal with irate customers in more centered and helpful ways that leave them less drained by the interactions.
  • One that can help work teams become more highly engaged, collaborative and productive.
  • And one that for sure has helped helping professionals supercharge their ability help clients deal with the full range of anger issues (this means therapists, counselors, and coaches).

In other words, if you’re like most people, I’ll bet that this Full-Spectrum Anger Effectiveness System will knock your socks off.

But what will really knock your socks off is that you can attend my Anger Effectiveness Secrets™ webinar absolutely FREE. Just click this link to register now:

So, what are you waiting for? Complete your webinar registration right now so I can take you on a guided tour of my Conquering Anger Mountain™ Full Spectrum Anger Effectiveness System.

I look forward to, as they say, seeing you on webinar!